One Year // Positive Thinking (Or Not)

A year ago today, folks, I started this blog.
I started it without the intention of doing anything
other than ramble a little bit on it every now & then, so that I
can look back a few years from now and see what exactly
was going on in this nonsensical mind of mine.

But this little space on the Internet has given me so much more than that.
It's given me a creative outlet through which 
I can nurture my writing and photography skills,
both of which I find I am truly passionate about.
It's given me a very welcoming and encouraging community,
full of people who I both admire and respect.

So, thank you for that.

It's also allowed for me to focus on living the lifestyle
 that I've worked so very hard to maintain, which is that:

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Positive thinking leads to a positive life.

It sounds so cheesy, so "plastered-on-a-picture-of-a-sunset-and-then-Pinned,"

but it's also the honest-to-God truth.

For the past six months or so,

I have very consciously made myself be happy.

I've made myself look at things with different perspectives, 

actively try and change seemingly bad events and people for the better,

always ask myself "and why should I be entitled to this?",

and say thank you for each and every little joy.

It's worked. Better than I ever expected.

I haven't found myself so consistently content and truly happy in yeeears.

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But I think I've also forced myself to be on this rigorous routine of sorts,

and whenever the going gets tough, it's become second nature

to change my thinking, to smile, to justify it with "everything happens for a reason,"

so much so that it gets a little exhausting sometimes.

And while I do 95% recommend and truly believe in the wonders

of always being thankful and always thinking positively,

I've also come to realize... maybe it's also good to let life suck sometimes,

and to just, I don't know... be frustrated, whine, complain, throw a tantrum,

be thoroughly done with everything for a moment and just go take a nap or a shower,

and deal with it later.

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Remember how I was going on and on about how last week rocked and was amazing?

Well, this week sucked. (And I kind of saw it coming too... nothing amazing lasts forever, right?)

It didn't suck in any big, life-changing way.

It was just one of those weeks where I was exhausted, I had too much work to do, the weather was nasty, everyone was stressed and busy and there was never enough time to do everything that I needed and/or wanted to do.

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On Sunday, in the car on our way back from SF,

my roommate and I had respective panic/anxiety attacks.

I had accidentally missed a mandatory class, I had hours and hours of homework left to do,

I was missing the SAG Awards (sadly, this was actually really one of the reasons...), and Cassandra was frustrated with traffic and classes and whatnot, and both of us were starving. 
Not any world-changing issues by any means, but it was a rather suck-y environment - 
so much so that we didn't even bother

to point out the beauty of dusk whilst driving out of the city like we usually would.

And so we drove on in silence 
(don't worry, we weren't mad or upset with each other in the least; we were both anxious over our own problems and sat in silence to ponder over them... I'm actually really happy that I can have a friend where we can both just brood over different problems at the same time and not have it affect the other person).

We didn't bother trying to calm ourselves down.

Or to make it seem any better.

We just drove.

And then we went to McDonald's.

As I bit into my first Big Mac in MONTHS,

I already felt the crankiness flying away

 (ok, so maybe most of it was hunger... that's never a joke). 

We laughed a little, but mostly concentrated on stuffing fries into our mouths.

I don't think I've ever appreciated food more.

I often forget about how much I really love Mickey D's.

And then Carrie Underwood's "So Small" came on.

And then Fun.'s "All Alright" came on.

Seriously, universe? iPod Shuffle? You trying to tell us something?

And we laughed really, really hard.

We calmed ourselves down.

I went home and e-mailed my TA 

(who replied immediately with "no worries! completely understand... just come in on Tuesday!"), 

started watching lecture videos, and cleaned my room.

And it's all good again.

OK maybe not all good. 

I still have six out of seven coding assignments left to do.

Plus, five more chapters to read for discussion.

But for now, it's manageable & fine & all I need is a good night's sleep.

Lesson learned: sometimes, just let life suck.

It'll tell you when it's ready to start having you strive for the good stuff again.

Through the mysterious magic of song choices...
and the deliciousness of fast, unhealthy food.

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PS. Sometime in the next week, I'd love to host a thank you giveaway for keeping up with me throughout this blogging journey. Anything in particular you guys would love to have?