A College Student, I Am

As much as I like to fool myself into thinking that I'm either:

a five-year-old child (why be an adult when being a child won't kill you),

a twenty-eight year old high roller (because I go to Starbucks on the daily),

or an eighty year old (see: bedtime = best time),

I'm actually a college student and loving it and am terrified of the day 
that the university drags me out of my dorm room, forces a cap and gown on me,

and then shoves me across the stage in 2015.

I'm milking college for all that it's got,
because when else in life am I going to get away with:

pretty much.

+ Housing being the most stressful thing in my life.
Nope, not apartment hunting or figuring out mortgages,
or even landscaping, or whatever else you do with a real property.
My dilemmas: picking suitemates, a dining club, and rooms.
(Although, this got figured out today -
woohoo, SUITES two years in a row!!!)

+Starting a psychology paper four hours ago. It's due at 9AM tomorrow.

+This is my room right now:

+ Attending a last lecture for a communications class,
and not even feeling guilty for not listening to 80% of what he was saying.
Prof, you're great and all, but... learning about Angry Birds for 2 hours? 
Roommate and I had a European dream cruise to plan {emphasis on dream}.

+ No matter how hard I try (which granted, isn't very hard), I can't feed myself nutritiously.
When else can I get away with eating a plate full of french fries for lunch?
{To my credit - I also ate two strawberries.}

+ And c'mon, this is how I dress myself:

On a good day.

Clearly, your argument is invalid.

Thank you, college.
Don't ever let me go.