America, I Celebrate You {With Calories}

Howdy America,

happy birthday, beautiful.

source via weheartit

I kind of wish reality shows existed in your {early} heyday -

the ratings would've shot out the roof,

what with your chaotic birth and rambunctious youth,

your nasty riffs with your mother in your teenage years -

although as a former teenager (ahem, my birthday was three months ago),

I quite understand the need to seek independence,

the urge to be rebellious and discover yourself for who you really are, and whatnot.

I'm glad that you and your mother are on good terms now -

I'm off to visit her on your behalf in a few months,

and I've heard that she can be quite the merry host.

But girlfriend, what I'm trying to say is... the Kardashians ain't got nothing on you.

Anyway, in honor of your nth birthday {as you are a woman, we won't disclose your age},

I celebrated you in the way I know best.

With lots of calories and splendid company.

McAlister's Deli showdown.

This sandwich is on the secret menu, and it's called "The Patriot."

Cranberry jelly, lots of shredded turkey, veggietables, and swiss cheese - patriotic indeed.

Not ordering it would have been blasphemous on multiple fronts; we can't have that.

Worry not, this loving citizen has got your back. We don't skimp on birthdays.

America's nectar.

Don't let this photo fool you. I was not the only one chowing down. Promise.

Classic American favorites - sweet tea and mac and cheese.

Best of all, I celebrated with dessert before the celebratory meal;

Tutti Frutti was calling my name,

so my own mama and I stopped by for an icy treat - 

look, this froyo is literally making my skirt fly up.

taro {yum!}, almond, cheesecake, and vanilla.

Brief intermission: 

Tutti Frutti is very close to replacing Yogurtland as my number one.

The guilt is killing me.

America, happy birthday.

You're still such a pretty young thing -

this is a good birthday year for you,

with those momentous SPOTUS decisions to mark it.

You're really growing up, aren't you?

I love you, my country.
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