Liar Liar Pants on Fire

My guilty conscience has gone and turned into a self-righteous, snotty little wench.

All I did was tell a couple of tiny white lies embellish a fact or two,

and now it's gone all ape-shiza crazy on me; it's not letting me live peacefully

until I participate in some major confessional time. So here I am. Hi.

Last week, I had to fill out a Roommate Preference Form for my time at Oxford.

Long story short, I am on a mission to room with my best friend Lauren, because

it'll make it all the easier to transform a drab little dorm room into a magnificent,

pink-and-purple land of paradise with some Harry Potter posters thrown in for good measure.

You just can't do that with a stranger, can you?

There's only one tiny little problem.

She and I have completely different lifestyles -

she's normal and healthy and clean and I'm ... I'm almost there. Almost.

So in order to cheat the system help the computers make the right algorithmic decision,

this is what I submitted, verbatim.

I'm not extremely neat, but like to keep things at least tidy and organized. I'm not a really late sleeper or an early bird, but I don't mind living with either one! I do like to go out and party on weekends, but am pretty much a homebody during the week.

At Stanford, I have a really close and strong relationship with my roommate, so I'd love to have something similar at Oxford. I'd love to have someone who would be willing to go to London for a weekend, or who'd go to afternoon tea or any kind of fun adventure. Of course, I don't expect us to be attached at the hip and am really looking forward to making new friends in Stanford House and with native Oxford students, but it'd be really nice to have a roommate who I can go home to after a long day and get to chat with and be comfortable with!

I've taken the liberty of italicizing and turning red {out of shame} all of the false statements.

Let me backtrack and edit some of the things I said.

I'm not extremely neat at all, but like to keep things at least tidy and organized.

I'm not a really late sleeper or an early bird, but I don't mind living with either one!

FALSE.

Sleep time - average, ~2am.

Wakey wakey time - average, ~7:45am.

Be on my schedule, roommate, or crumble.

I do like to go out and party on weekends.

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

SUNDAYS

...but am pretty much a homebody during the week.

ALL OTHER DAYS

And then, there's this whole business:

At Stanford, I have a really close and strong relationship with my roommate, so I'd love to have something similar at Oxford. I'd love to have someone who would be willing to go to London for a weekend, or who'd go to afternoon tea or any kind of fun adventure. Of course, I don't expect us to be attached at the hip and am really looking forward to making new friends in Stanford House and with native Oxford students, but it'd be really nice to have a roommate who I can go home to after a long day and get to chat with and be comfortable with!

I don't know anything other than having a best friend as a roommate, or a roommate as a best friend. I can probably survive without that being the case, but after knowing how wonderful it is to be attached at the hip - I just can't not live with a roommate who I can go home to every day and get to chat with and be so comfortable with that pants are optional, and conversations border on poop talk. I need to live with someone who's spontaneous like me and who would want very badly to just up and visit London for a weekend, and who'd go to tea or ALL adventures offered. I basically very under-exaggerated this paragraph; what I meant was: a best friend roommate is IMPERATIVE.

Get to work, algorithms. 

Good luck on dealing with me for three months, LoLo.