Story of My Life

"Awkward" is a word that largely defines my lifestyle. I accidentally stumble into situations that make me look half like an idiot, half like I have real potential as someone to befriend, since I at the very least will be wildly entertaining to observe. But it's all good because at the end of the day, sometimes I reminisce over these moments and they give me plenty to burst out laughing in pure silence over. Again, awko taco.

Exhibit A // Yesterday at 6:45pm, we get an e-mail from our university alert system and I quote, it said "don't go over-exerting yourself or breathing too hard outside." There was a recycling plant fire in the neighboring county, and we definitely started smelling the toxic plastic fumes around 1:00pm, so I guess it's kind of awkward that I was watching my friends play softball outside in those 5+ hours and breathing/getting poisoned, instead of sheltering in place like we were apparently supposed to? This is the first time I can actually use "SORRY FOR BREATHING" literally. Wow.

Exhibit B // Speaking of those softball games, I was sitting in the stands with the softball parents for a long time [#teammanagerperks] and listening to them talk about how hungover they were, how much they had to drink at the three four bars they went to the previous night [I lost count after the three martinis and a Bloody Mary], and how dancing afterwards easily burns off all the calories. You know what we, the college students, were doing the previous night? Passing out at 9pm.

Exhibit C // I've been dying to tell you guys this story, but haven't had a chance to. Two months ago, my roommate and I were on our way to a meeting with the coaches. Halfway there, we see the trainer in his golf cart just driving merrily next to us, waiting to see how long it took for us to notice him. Well, eventually we did (eventually), and he very nicely offered us a ride to the athletics department. We got on, he drove fast, and long story short - as he was making a quick and sharp turn, I literally went FLYING out the side of the cart. Flailing. In. The. Air. And then my roommate, great friend that she is, fell out after me because she couldn't contain her laughter and was rolling on the ground, in tears. (No one got hurt, thanks for asking.)

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Exhibit D // A brand new, multimillion dollar gym just opened up like 3 minutes from where we live (glad to know my tuition money is going somewhere useful). I decided to go today to check it out, maybe get an idea of what I'd be missing out on because obviously I won't be working out regularly, who do you think I am. Anyway, not only is there a super nice pool and locker rooms and a soundproofed study lounge, there are dozens and dozens and trillions of super fancy, brand spankin' new machines. And I seriously felt like a grandma because I stood stationary on a treadmill, pressing random buttons for no less than 7 minutes, trying to figure out how to get out of the e-magazines collection (GLAMOUR HOLLER) and into anything that would start the stupid machine for me. I found this, and then consequently found myself running for forty minutes/two episodes. Don't even regret it, nor will I be regretting the six desserts I'm justified to eat today.

Exhibit E // When this is what's bought in bulk at Costco:

Exhibit F // Literally as I'm typing this, the housing people knocked on our front door. We weren't expecting any guests and people usually come to clean on Thursdays and not Mondays, so we half thought it was a thief or something, and my roommate and I just hid behind my open door, and turned the lights off... it didn't occur to us that if it was indeed a thief, our big screen TV is out in the common room - and we probably wouldn't even have done anything to stop them from taking it. (Just please don't steal our food please, that's actually pretty necessary.)

There're plenty more where these came from. Just wait until you hear about the time I accidentally stole an ice cream (in a cake cone w/ sprinkles...) from a little boy at Disneyland. Shucks. Or the time we almost stole a cat. Or that my favorite shirt in the entire world was stolen from a communal laundry room by one of our guy friends, and shared by a few of my girlfriends. (Also just realized that these all involve stealing... I swear stealing's not my other day job.)

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