Facts From Corporate America

As of yesterday, I've officially reached the halfway point of my internship. I could tell you all about what I've learned in data analysis, brand positioning, and consumer insights (actually, I couldn't. I'm contractually obligated to keep some secrets), but let's talk about some of the more ... practical ... things I've learned about Corporate America.

I should say, though, that the disclaimer is - if you have a job that you love in an industry that you're passionate about, even spreadsheets of numbers on numbers on numbers and color-coordinated deck presentations can be exciting to the core. (Which I do have.)

With that said ...

// Office bathrooms = the most awkward non-scenarios. Do you wait for the other person to leave, or should you make a break for it, flush, wash hands, and book it out of there fast? Uh oh. I know those shoes. I don't want to be peeing next to the person wearing those shoes.

// Building a work wardrobe is the only time shopping has ever been boring.

// Every cubicle is inconveniently placed. Every cubicle. The big bosses get the breathtaking Central Park views, and they also get to glance at their employees' computer screens from a distance.

// Therefore, Pinterest browsing must be cursory and yet purposeful. Of course this is research for a project. Don't you see how intently I'm looking at this one Pin? And how I'm looking back and forth between it and my open spreadsheet?

// Gchat with your best friends is as much as a life saver as a life boat in the open sea. Pretty sure I'm saving these chats to read when I'm eighty eight and bored in my rocking chair. Remember when I had the audacity to write in all caps.

// The Harry Potter soundtrack in full is 8 hours long. A whole work day's worth of being the hero and saving the world from evil bad entertainment, in my case. (Thanks, Lo)

// Office fridge politics. So, this isn't all that relevant to me because I'm too lazy to even need a fridge for my food, but I know it happens and you know it happens.

// Whatever your job description really is, it's actually glorified Googling.

// Linkedin. 

// Breakfast on the go, lunches at the desk, dinners a la Chez Lean Cuisine or Chez Chipotle, whichever is less work on said day.

// Outlook's to me what Anne Hathaway was to Miranda Priestley, except I still have to fetch my own coffee.

// You better like your cubicle buddies (cubi-leagues?) (cubbie buddies?) because you literally are with them your whole life now. It's like elementary school, but without recess, Disney movies, or adult supervision to scare you into getting along with each other.

// Half your shoe closet is under your work desk. The nice part of your shoe closet, anyway.

// Any happy hour or nighttime carousing is put to an end obediently by your common sense telling you that you know sitting under fluorescent lights for eight hours staring at Outlook will suck if you keep going. 7am Marimba wake up alarms don't take any excuses.

// Research (is Google), Powerpoint presentations (basically, scrapbooking), and Excel (OCD organization) = the premise of everything and anything.

// You hit a wall at approximately 3:00pm. Coffee break, it is.

// You finally understand the true meaning of 'TGIF.' I mean, yes, you say it in school and whatnot, but that's simply child's play.

TGIT, guys and gals!