College Kid Syndrome

In honor of my impending Abnormal Psychology midterm on Tuesday (which I'm naturally not procrastinating studying for) (at all) (not in the least bit), I decided to share with you the self-diagnosis of a relevant disorder that is absolutely, 100% not made up.

–College Kid Syndrome–

Clinical Definition – when a college student is thrown into the real world, and is consequently utterly bewildered, amused, and confused by productivity, order, and "normal people things."

DSM-V Diagnostic Criteria

A. The feeling of being on top of the world because nails are painted, eyebrows are threaded, hair is brushed, clothes are of the non-sweats variety (mostly), and makeup is applied. Individual wonders, is this what feeling put together and presentable is like? I'm... not a mess! Individual swears up and down that never again will an eyebrow hair be astray or a foot unmassaged.

B. Being absolutely flabbergasted in a restaurant when allowed to a) order a drink that's not water, b) order appetizers that don't come free with an entree, c) order anything just for the heck of it, d) entertain the idea of ordering dessert.

C. In fact, being completely in denial (but like, the good kind of denial) when eating anything other than Cup O' Noodles and Easy Mac.

D. Partake in escapism involving avoiding the onslaught of midterm season and decompressing (hiding) at a sister's apartment. A sister's apartment with a bathroom cabinet that has an unlimited amount of Biore nose strips and Crest whitening strips and cleansing oils and yogurt face masks.

E. Having an unhealthy obsession with personal hygiene once out of an "every other day at most" mentality when it comes to showering. This is what I've been missing out on?! This is GREAT!!!

F. Being delusional enough to think that "just one cat photo" won't end up being "all but one photo on the Camera Roll = cats cats cats."

G. Scary level of caffeine in the bloodstream at all times.