So This Was 21

Roger: "Oh ... no. Oh no."

Jerry: "Not again. This woman. This woman with the cameowra just won't quit!"

Here I am at bedtime scrolling through my Facebook feed. Today's count is: 3 engagements, 2 gender reveals, a trillion anniversaries, some toddler birthdays, and a single case of Caroline dropping her phone on her face. My high school compatriots are birthing and raising children, discussing mortgages and family cars, and I'm over here coming up with mediocre captions for cats two days away from my 22nd birthday. SMH.

Roger: "Calm yourself, woman. Seriously."

Jerry: "Stop."

 – 21 In A Nutshell –

// 3 THINGS I CAN DO BETTER

Doing, over thinking. I'm a dreamer. I have quite the collection of notes tucked away in the nooks and crannies of Google Drive and Blogger and iPhone Notes about plans and visions and ideas. The hard part for me is putting words into actions, because those nooks and crannies are dust- to the -ty. Homegirl ain't the biggest fan of organizing, you'll learn.

Edumacating mahself. When your sole job is learning, learning can be exhausting. But I never want to stop. TheSkimm has been tremendously illuminating, but here's to utilizing more and more resources other than Buzzfeed Pets as reading material. First up: The Onion. Right?!?!

Connecting. Um so IDK, but I suck at replying to texts and Facebook messages and e-mails.

// 3 LESSONS I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY

Saying goodbye will always be hard. My grandfather's the third grandparent I've lost in three years, and it hasn't gotten easier. Missing them all every single day.

There are silver linings always, no matter how faint. Cherish those silver linings, because they've come at great cost.

Sometimes what comes next won't be clear. The not-knowing is hard, the uncertainty is a struggle. But more often than not, everything will be just fine. And if not ... well, 21 means you can head straight to the bar.

Roger: "Seriously?"

Jerry: "What even is this thing anyway? Actually, put it away. I don't care."

// 3 THINGS I'M PROUD OF

I'm self-sufficient, but I want that support group anyway. Be it in the form of a dad who flies with me out to NYC to move me into my internship apartment and analyzes the subway map for the most efficient route, or a mother to whom I go wailing at the first sign of sickness, or a sister who somehow can always tell when I need help, or friends who know just the right thing to say or do ... I don't want to make it all by myself. I want them all with me.

I'm unapologetic about what I want to do. AKA tonight and most nights are for my default mode: Netflix, a candle, and catching up on blogs. Don't convince me otherwise.

That I challenge myself to challenge my beliefs and attitudes. This is an ongoing process, but I hope never to hold so steadfastly onto any single belief. Sure, having strong values is important, but I hope to always hold myself accountable in never closing my mind to others' opinions and perspectives.

// 3 OF THE BEST ADVENTURES

Roadtripping the PCH with my roommate. Breathtaking views, eom.

Interning in NYC this summer. NYC, eom.

Taking a spontaneous pre-senior year trip to China for a week with my sister to spend some time with the fambam. Food, family, and fancy schmancy hotels, eom.

Jerry: "Don't make me tell you one more time, young lady!"

// 3 REASONS I'M OVER BEING 21

The expectation of hitting up bars, clubs, and all things social all the time. Like, no. Like, sure that's all fun every once in awhile, but gimme chocolate bars, Club Monaco, and social media stalking.

Because there are better things ahead. I hope! '21' sounds like the shiny, new year of the 20s. Everything's exciting, you're faced with so many possibilities, and it's all a bit of a cluster. '22,' in my mind, you start to really sink into the 20s cushion a bit, get comfy, get down to business. Doesn't sound like a bad deal to me!

'Cuz I'm feelin' twenty-twooooooooo. (On Friday, at least!)

// AND 3 REASONS I'M KINDA SORTA NOT

You only get to be 21 once. I'm a heck of a nostalgic person. I get sad thinking I don't ever get to be 16 again, or 18, or 21. I spent my whole childhood and adolescence reading stories and watching movies and listening to songs about these ages and formulating an idea of what they might be like, and in the blink of an eye – poof! I'm there! and poof! Now I'm not!

There were not yet real consequences. Okay, I mean, yes. There are. But, in a way, I can spend my money frivolously, I can spend my weekends any which way I want to. If I pull an all-nighter, the worst thing that happens is I make the choice to skip class the next day. If I have a falling out with a friend, she lives 5 minutes away and things are easily patched up. Next year, I have a feeling things won't be so easy anymore.

METABOLISM. Mine's already betrayed me, but I know it's only going to be downhill from here. Please send help.

Roger: "THAT'S IT, I'M CONFISCATING DIS."
// 3 OF THE MOST EXCITING THINGS WAITING FOR ME AT 22.
Graduation. Only VERY recently (since last Friday) have I finally started thinking about graduation in positive terms - as a chance to begin anew for the last true time. I'm excited to have the opportunity to get to decide where my life is going, and to actually apply everything I've learned in the past four years.
Europe. Two-and-a-half months in London, Paris, Florence, Rome, elsewhere in Italy, Croatia, and Greece. The real post-grad escapism technique.
Standing next to my sister on her big day. Nothing could be more special to me.