Words I've Said While I Was "On A Diet"

... and a few that I've said when I wasn't.

As of this past Monday, my friends and I "went on a diet," novel words to our vocabulary. Summer's approaching aka knocking at our front door, I have a couple of upcoming trips (squee!), and other general BS that ultimately made this decision for us.

But you have to understand. My friends and I... aren't the types to diet. Usually, we order pizza way too often, have multiple bags of hot Cheetos stashed in the pantry, and our ONE rule is to never, never, never be out of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. For a long time, this lifestyle was sustainable because my friends were all Division I collegiate athletes and burned more calories than they ate, and I kind of just chugged along pretending that my arteries are not being clogged AT ALL, so this reset button is long overdue. Like, two years overdue.

So, as you can imagine, this has been a pretty tough week.

We don't know how to diet. Our fridge has nary a vegetable or healthy protein because dinners tend to be ordered from the Mexican place downstairs or from whatever looks tasty on UberEats. I've seethed as nice coworkers kept on bringing in cakes and goodies from overseas travels, and I almost threw something when I realized that Hanna and I probably shouldn't go to the all-mac-and-cheese-restaurant on the second day of the diet.

Lots of hilarious / serious / desperate things have been uttered, and what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't share with you. 

When I noticed the hot Cheetos missing and told Hanna we needed to order more, and she said that she ordered us healthy snacks instead:

Screw you.

Text from Cassandra:

I forgot I'm on a diet so I had a bagel.

Text from Leah: 

I forgot I'm on a diet so I had a cookie.

Another text from Leah: 

I'm rewarding myself with Chipotle.

At lunchtime when I don't have a hamburger like I really want: 

I hate this and I'm going to be miserable until September.

When Hanna and I were trying to figure out what to eat for dinner on Monday night:

Hanna: so what about Annie's mac and cheese because it's organic.

Me: well, maybe if we share a box and put some spinach in it.

Hanna: what if we order something healthy.

Me: I'm not paying for salad.

Hanna: if we walk to the mac and cheese restaurant, it's healthy.

*looks up the menu, realizes it's impossible*

Me: okay so what if today's our cheat day?

Hanna: what if our whole weekend is a cheat weekend. 

*during this process, we finish off a bag of carrots and want to cry*

I could do this all day, but it's making me sad and hungry, so let's reflect on happier times.

Back in May, I went to LA and spent the day at Harry Potter World as a birthday present to myself (more to come on that next week), and Cassandra, Joan, and Kelly kindly accompanied me. After a long and exhausting day of fighting Voldemort and playing Quidditch, Cassandra took us to a restaurant she's been talking about for ages: Catcher In The Rye.

A moody vibe, amazing drinks menu with cocktails that go by names like 'Huckleberry Finn,' 'The Secret Garden,' 'Tequila Mockingbird,' and the most devastatingly glorious grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, wonderful appetizers to share like brussels sprouts (their favorite!), and a hummus (my favorite!!) that converted Kelly, our resident hummus hater, plus stacks and stacks of board games, the only words we were able to say were:

unghahsjjhfheeeeeeeee. Heaven.

TAKE ME BACK TO THAT.
PLEASE.